Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
