My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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