I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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