Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
