the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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