i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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