Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
