Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
