first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
