i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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