last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
