a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
