So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
