the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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