At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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