Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
