woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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