forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
