My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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