She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
