Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
