Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
