I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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