I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
