If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
