they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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