There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
