I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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