Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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