theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
