sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.