im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
