i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15