the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Use "feeling words"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.