U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She has the best kind of daddy issues