Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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