Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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