Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
