I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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