Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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