i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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