I've blown a few things in my day
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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