The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
