I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
