sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
