dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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