Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
