my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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