What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
