so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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