glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I did not marry a roomba.
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