glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Can Purell be used as lube?
just tell him i said nine months
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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