did you get engaged???
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
