Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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