Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
