Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
