why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
