i just had sex bonerless
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
