is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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