she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
