You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
