Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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