there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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