I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
