hell yes lets make some ravioli
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
