exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
