Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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