It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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